


A couple of bestiesssss

by JotTheDragonScribe



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Aromantic Asexual Character, Gen, Hallucinations, Kurosu Jun & Suou Tatsuya & Lisa Silverman Are The Parents Of The Persona 5 Protagonist, Panic Attacks, Product Displacement used as comedy and not to avoid actual copyright, Short Chapters, Third Semester (Persona 5), aroace character, friendship (tm), romance-repulsed character, yu narukami is akiren's cousin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:15:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25618690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JotTheDragonScribe/pseuds/JotTheDragonScribe
Summary: Every possible romantic social link: Haha we look so much like a couple hereAkiren: (Title)--Or, how Akiren keeps accidentally making his bed and tripping out of the window to avoid laying in it. Metaphorically.
Relationships: Morgana & Persona 5 Protagonist, Persona 5 Protagonist & Sakura Futaba, Persona 5 Protagonist & Yoshizawa Sumire | Yoshizawa Kasumi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 62





	1. Lovers; Ann

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1- The confidants are progressed relatively simultaneously. Keep that in mind while reading the story: Akiren isn't finishing all of these social links at the same time.  
> 2- The adult romantic confidants will not be looked at.  
> 3- Hifumi won't be approached because I completely forgot about her I am So Sorry church girl  
> 4- Yusuke will be replacing her  
> 5- After chapter seven this will go on hiatus until I catch up with the third semester.  
> 6- These will be very short chapters! Good for coffee breaks.

Though it really wasn't anything to be proud of, Akiren knew he could mask his true emotions behind a face of cool, almost-interested apathy.  
Maybe it made him look like a total dipwad at times, sure... But everyone _looked up to him_ , and by Arséne, that was a drug that hit harder than any... Actual... Drug.... Though it also isn't anything to be proud of, Akiren sucked at metaphors.

Back in Sumaru, none of his classmates quite understood the weird kid who had three parents, always had bedhead and didn't quite get what others talked about. Girls thought he was creepy and guys thought he was a weirdo. Either side was at that age where they just talked about matters that completely went above his head.  
  
(Really! Where were they finding the time to even drool at eachother? Akiren was swamped with exams!)

But in Tokyo? He'd done his best to remain the mysterious, delinquent guy who had a heart of gold and was like, super charming and a great leader. He even managed to pretend like he cared whenever Ryuji talked about girls and boobs or whatever. Even better! He managed not to groan audibly whenever Morgana would go on and on and _on_ about Ann like he wasn't a _cat_ at best and a Shadow at worst.

Yes, his faked life was sweet. The normal, Casanova wolf in sheep's clothing, actually a loveless sheep in wolf in sheep's clothing, calling his parents every week at midnight for reassurance when Mona was snoring at the foot of his bed. Bannah Bontana could never.

Yet his Wildcard Shenanigans would come back to bite him in the ass. As they always do.

Just ask cousin Yu, who left a string of broken hearts behind him when he returned from that backwater town... Poor bastard couldn't even keep a combo going in DDR, less be the "chad pimp from Tokyo" the legends spoke of.  
That's what a well crafted web of lies will get you and Yu was a master at weaving them. The man had given him that advice when he heard of the teen's probation; _You're there for a year, so fib with every fiber of your body_. And Akiren had taken it to heart, before hearing that said "Chad Pimp" was now cowering in his apartment, avoiding meeting his friends whilst using college as an excuse to do so. The missed calls from this "Yosuke" guy had just hit the triple digits when Akiren had last visited him, after the school trip to Hawai. Yeesh, my guy. _Yeeeesh._

Regardless, let's resume the ass-biting.

The first one up was Ann. A member of the original phantom thieves and a valuable one at that.

Ann was a kind girl who'd go out of her way to help a friend. She was upbeat, she was sweet, she was (mostly) confident in herself. She had airheaded tendencies, sure... But she compensated for her flaws and more with her dedication to the Phantom Thieves.

She had been regularly visiting Shiho at the hospital and had been amazed by her strength. She had decided to train her heart as well, so Shiho looked up to her, saw her as a rock... In, like... A stormy sea. But a good rock, not the boat-sinking-type of rock.  
Make a mental note to train yourself in metaphors, Akiren.

  
Then some weasel of another model came weaseling in and started to undermine her and take her jobs. Like any good friend would do, Akiren so assumed, when Ann started to show doubt in her abilities due to this other model girl, he was there to help her better herself. Between training, trying her best at the shoots she _did_ get, refusing to buy the double chocolate crêpes (by _Jove_ ), it was some busy times and Ann really was putting in the effort for Shiho. The young leader of the Phantom Thieves was glad to have helped one of his troupe. Yeah, having friends was cool.

And that's when his lies came to deliver a swift kick in the groin.

She'd just have a talk with Shiho, who was about to move to another school. They had taken her to the roof one last time in order to... Tie lost ends up or something, ouroboros the whole thing up, wrap it up with a bow, Akiren wasn't too sure about the reason. He was just there to be supportive, was all, not judge the girl's intentions.  
Either way, it was mostly between her and Ann. After their heart to heart, Ann had decided: she would study to become a great model and make her friend proud. She had held her chin high while Shiho was there...  
But in the end, she was still obviously saddened by her friend's departure.

"Guess... I'm alone again, huh?” Ann had muttered to herself, looking down to hide the fact she was on the verge of tears. The boy had to admit, standing there, in the isolated roof, in the dead silence that fell over the school when classes ended, her jacket just lightly fluttering in the breeze that had just picked up... It was so cinematographically lonesome that Akiren wanted to go pick Yusuke up by the elbows and drag him here to do that "making a rectangular frame with your fingers" motion he did so often.  
(All to forget how that picture of solitude was oh so familiar to him)

Wait. This was a sentence that warranted an answer, Akiren suddenly realized.  
The answer engine, to the northeastern sector of his brain, started working at full power.

_What am I, chopped liver?_ , commented a rude part of Akiren's brain.  
 _I'm here!_ , corrected the polite part of Akiren's brain, who was interrupted by the cautious part.  
 _What is it?_  
 _She's gonna get the wrong idea. I know. She's gonna think we like-like her and we're NOT gonna be able to go back._  
 _Awh, crap! What do we say, then?!_  
 _Uhhh- quick! We've been staring at her crying too long! Just say something!_

_  
_Yeah, Ann was starting to sob for real now. This was getting bad.

_  
_"THE OTHERS WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU ANN", shouted Akiren a wee bit too loud, as it echoed off the empty walls of campus and nearly gave Ann a heart attack. The girl stumbled back, staring in shock at the sudden supportive outburst.

  
"Ahaha... Y-Yeah! I shouldn't just brush them off...", she chuckled to relieve the awkward mood in the air. "...Thanks, Akiren. You're a good friend"  
The boy nodded with a bit too much force, saying "uh huh, uh huh", to himself. Like he was a defrosted caveman who just learned to speak.

  
They headed back downstairs before Makoto herself charged up to drag them to somewhere not off-limits. Akiren cursed his brain the entire way.

  
_We sounded totally lame right now._   
_Everything is ruined._   
_We're a bunch of idiots._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more note since the notes before were getting Large, this will be based on my own experiences in middle/high school as an AroAce fellow. Big projecting hours.


	2. The Priestess; Makoto

Makoto's was worse.

Akiren valued her as well, as friend and, above all, as a teammate.  
Her sharp intellect and no-nonsense personality made her input on situations one of great worth. Paired with her caring and concerned nature, Makoto certainly was a pillar of the phantom thieves. 

So, when she asked him to help her know more about the students she presided over, Akiren could only nod and take her to the arcade. Did teens even go to arcades anymore? That felt like a middle-aged-guy-who-shows-of-at-Taiko-Drum-Master sort of thing to do. Well, fib number one had already gone through (the implication Akiren knew what other teens did), no time to figure out a way around it. Might as well just go to the claw machines and watch those little mascot plushes pile up.

Mountain of Jack Frost plushes in tow, Akiren certainly didn't expect for it to start going downhill right away.  
As soon as they left the arcade, they spotted a Shujin student going into a shady building - and, of course, they'd have to have a meeting with her.

Wait, why was he there for the meeting?

Eiko, was it? Eiko had been working for the shady café she insisted was completely above board. It was Makoto who asked her the questions while Akiren was distracted looking at Eiko's chain of perfect scores on some _OSU_ -like app on her phone. The woman was a rhythm demon!

Between Saitama 2000 and Oshama Scramble (who WAS this girl?!), Eiko tossed some comment about Akiren being Makoto's boyfriend.  
A millisecond after Makoto herself, flustered, started to deny it, the boy's brain short-circuited and voiced his thoughts aloud.  
"Her **WHAT** "  
Again, just a little bit too loud, because it caused Eiko to miss her streak and Makoto to flinch away, dragging the chair with her. Akiren mumbled an apology under his breath before hanging his head so neither of the girls would see his face, as red as a tomato, perfectly ripe and ready to become gazpacho.

Like a naive fool, Akiren thought the worst was over.  
Okay, someone who didn't know them got the wrong idea. It was fine. His stomach practically did a double backflip at the thought of him being in a relationship with _anyone_ at all, but it was fine, it was over.

Makoto then asked him, a handful of days later, to pretend to be her boyfriend so she could investigate about Eiko's new lover, a shady host.  
The sound the teenager made could arguably be described as a kettle who just gained sentience, decided it was a cat/chicken hybrid, and realized it was burning.

"I know it's awkward- You don't have to do it, I'm sorry for asking you out of the blue", Makoto quickly apologized, looking all around her for any water she could offer her choking friend.  
A very twisted part of Akiren's brain, the one who desired for validation every breathing second and would promptly starve if people didn't admire its host, started ringing alarm bells.

_CUT THAT OUT! I don't care what it takes, we have to look cool! We have to be reliable! Be reliable!! BeRelieableBeRelieableBeRelieableBe-_

"Sorry, a fly flew into my mouth", Akiren corrected himself in deep and cool voice, cracking his neck in also a very cool fashion, "Yeah. I'll do it".

Makoto looked at him in a doubtful, worried way, which made the twisted part of his brain tremble in fear their façade had been torn asunder.  
The second she smiled, Akiren could nearly feel ten sighs of relief escape him.

In every single double date they went to, Akiren could hardly focus.  
Two parts of his brain were in bloody, horrendous war with complete disregard to the Geneva Conventions.  
On one side, his "Be A Cool Reliable Guy" part, demanding him to please everyone no matter what it took, no matter how backwards he had to bend to look like a good friend in their eyes.  
On the other, his "Oh god I don't want to be in a relationship I don't have any idea what love is" part, who was twisting and twisting his bowels and really gunning for its host to just scramble on outta here and tell Makoto upfront, "This makes me uncomfortable _please find somebody else_ ". The former was winning, but the latter caused massive damage in every fight.

Only when they finally went to confront the scumbag did he feel at ease.  
When said scumbag decided to threaten Makoto, boy, did he finally feel in his element.

"I **dare** you to try it", bit back Makoto, and Akiren was close behind.  
"Try and throw a punch, dipstick! See what happens!", the boy warned, approaching the host in wide steps, getting so close the smell of cheap cologne nearly knocked him out.  
"C'mon!"  
"Step up! Step the hell up, coward!"  
"Punch me, c'mon! First one's free!"  
"Try me, you won't!"  
"Are you scared? Huh?! Huh?! Are you?!"

Judging by the horrified look on Eiko's face and just about every single passerby, maybe their time away from fighting shadows and such was getting to them.

The host, very understandably, fled from the scene with his tail between his legs, with the two Phantom Thieves still growling threats as he went.  
Eiko, very understandably as well, left for her workplace before she could be associated with the two maniacs on the street.  
Makoto and Akiren, completely understandably, skedaddled on out before the cops showed up.

Akiren took her to the safest place in all of Shinjuku: Crossroads. The boy felt like he could trust his life and everyone else's to Miss Lala.

Checking that Ohya wasn't there, because let's be frank she was kind of annoying and, after auntie Maya, every other reporter just looked like dull amateurs, the two entered the bar in a completely non-suspicious way.

"Did you get in trouble again?” asked Lala in her deep, knowing voice, raising an eyebrow. She shook her head. "I'll bring you two some Sbrites, but you have _better_ not robbed anyone".

Makoto, wary of the environment they found themselves in, stuck close to Akiren and sat by him on one of the swivel stools.  
"Are you... A regular here?” the girl asked, looking around her like she was a deer who just heard rustling in the bushes. Akiren smiled as his "cool guy, reliable guy, mysterious and such" instinct kicked in.  
"I've been here to speak to a reporter about polishing the Phantom Thieves' reputation a bit", he explained, scratching the back of his head, "After that, I took a part time job to listen for rumors about possible targets". He turned back to the counter, raising his voice just a bit so the owner could hear him from where she went to get their drinks. "I guess I could call Lala-Chan a good friend of mine! She is a wonderful and lovely lady!”  
The wonderful and lovely lady in question came back, sbrites in hand and smirk on her face. "You're very kind, kid", the host chuckled as she poured them the soda into two glasses, "But I'm not raising your pay".

Akiren laughed as Lala moved away to give them privacy to talk about their Obviously Legal Afterschool Exploits. Makoto sheepishly rotated her glass, not knowing what to do with her hands. Oh buddy, we've all been there.  
"I see. You work very hard, even in your free time... I'm sorry, for a second I... I was concerned. I guess my bias got the better of me again", the girl sighed, taking a sip of her Sbrite and placing the glass down again.  
"Your bias seemed to be right about... Ten minutes ago, more or less", Akiren commented with a smirk, sipping his drink as well, looking at his watch just to punctuate the joke.

"Maybe, but-", Makoto stopped, looking at the bottom of her glass like it was a bundle of cue cards and she an amnesiac actress. Hey, Akiren's metaphors were getting better! "There's still so much I don't know, just because of these preconceptions I have of the world. I've focused so much in my studies that it's almost like I know nothing else", Makoto admitted, downing the rest of the Sbrite. Wow, that was the most carbonated of sodas. Her throat was probably burning.

"What Eiko said- That I'd probably flunk a test about romance... How would you even go about studying for such a test?” she pondered aloud, arms crossed and leaning back on her stool.  
Uh oh.  
Danger sense was going off.  
The alarm bells were wailing.

_SAY S O M E T H I N G!!_  
 _OH BY ARSÉNE SAY WHAT_  
 _Try dating sims, lol_  
 _NO!_ _NOT THAT!!_

Akiren placed a hand on his friend's shoulder with a bit too much force.  
"Ma Ko To. You Will One Day Find Someone. Good. That Will Love You. And Then You Can Study For And Pass The Test Of Love"  
The boy patted her shoulder twice. Pat pat. With again a bit too much force. "I Say This As Your Platonic Friend, Ma Ko To, Who Worries About You Platonically."

Makoto stared at him, bewildered, because how else in the world would you react to _that_?  
Her eyes darted to the side, almost if confirming with Lala that she did in fact just hear that string of words and was not having a stroke, before she smiled awkwardly and nodded.  
"Yes. Thank you, Akiren. You're a good friend", she said, still nodding. Oh, geez. They were both weird.

_We are the masters of self-sabotage..._   
_Can we get any backup plan for these situations, please? Can we make that a topic for next week's meeting?!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how hard Oshama Scramble and Saitama 2000 are on actual OSU, I just remember them bc I had a rip-off osu app on my phone that would poorly convert any other beatmaps to taiko beatmaps.  
> also imagine the alpha energy of playing osu taiko while the student president is interrogating you


	3. Moon over Chariot interlude; Mishima and Ryuji/The Emperor; Yusuke

It was... Complicated with the guys.

Well, not complicated per se, Akiren had just completely ruled off the possibility any guy would be potentially misled by his kind words.  
He remembered his mother telling him that, even after big dramatic confessions, there was a couple of months of his dads dancing around each other and being uncertain about “the other's true feelings” before the two actually started dating. Hell, it was practically his mother who had to kick-start it, as she was wont to do with just about everything.

Ryuji was fine! Even saying stuff like "You belong right by my side" Akiren could only feel such a potent friendship miasma of an aura that it nearly knocked him out of his chair.  
The teen was more than overjoyed about having such a close-knit friend who saw him in only a platonic manner. This time Akiren broke through his façade of apathy just to grin like an idiot. Ryuji would promptly punish this with a punch to his shoulder. Like those guys in movies did! Yeah, just like that! By the stars above, Akiren had experienced friendship with a guy!!

Ryuji was the best. The guy wasn't anything like Yu had described.  
'Trust me', his cousin had warned, 'I know that type of guy and they get migrane-inducing quick'. Ryuji never gave him a headache, though!  
Nope, as said before. Ryuji was his ~ **friend~**. His friend, who would stick with him through thick and thin! Ahhh, he was still grinning to himself about it. The guy beside him, slurping ramen like a reverse sausage-making machine, had just made his day, his week, his entire month. He could almost forgive him for all the """babe hunts""" he forced him to go to in the past.  
Almost.

Mishima was the complicated one.  
Akiren's instinct told him that the over-enthusiastic Phantom Thieves PR department gazed fondly at him behind his back, with sighs and hands on his chin. He could practically feel the rosy colours, the violin music, the cherry blossom petals drifting slowwwwwly to the ground, the eye-sparkles… It wasn't particularly subtle.  
Akiren was the phantom thief that Mishima always went to tell news of the site, even when Ann or Ryuji (the two others he was sure were part of the troupe) were more readily available. Mishima didn't even know he was the leader, right? Maybe? Whether he did or not, it sure wasn't necessary to chase after him in the rain to tell him a visitor count had been added to the site. All dramatically too, like a movie. Akiren had thought, terrified, _that Mishima was about to propose._

Despite the other boy being at the point where he carved hearts with their last names onto the bark of trees and plucked petals from whatever flower they used for that sort of deal (do you really think Jun Kurusu would let his son even Think of plucking petals?), Akiren never noticed any sort of move from him.  
Something told him Mishima had, on his own, come to the realization he put the leader of the phantom thieves on a pedestal and that he actually didn't want to date the real thing for fear of his fantasy being shattered. That he loved not Akiren, but Joker.  
And he had come to terms with it.  
So had Akiren.  
Sure, the thought of Mishima being the first in line for when Leader of the Phantom Thieves body pillows were released was sort of... Disconcerting, but there was zero chance of Mishima wanting to date him, so it was all good. He could pretend the self-insert fanfics didn't exist until they got too descriptive for comfort. You're gonna get us killed, Mishima. 

"I... When I thought of ways our identities could be revealed, I never took this threat into consideration..." muttered Morgana, feline face one of shock as he squinted to read the words on Akiren's phone. The boy could do no more than agree.

"I'll ask him to delete them, I guess"

Oh, that would be an awkward conversation to have, for sure.

\--

Now, Yusuke.

Yusuke.

  
Yusuke, despite his oddities, was the one phantom thief Akiren could rely on to keep a cool head, as long as art wasn't involved. His outlook on things was so out of the box that he managed to notice things and behaviours on people that never crossed Akiren's mind. He studied the metaphorical human heart, after all. It was no surprise his creative insight on matters was a very valuable one.

Yusuke's pursuit for the representation of the human psyche had lead them to a wide variety of places, from Mementos (yeah, right off the bat, what a great one to start on), an art gallery, a sushi place, a church, even in the middle of a lake, in a ramshackle boat, and that was when the first incident happened.

Yusuke had been conspicuously drawing two people on another boat near them, thinking they were lovers.  
They were actually siblings.  
Yeesh.

The specifics didn't matter to Yusuke, who just kept on drawing them anyway under the reasoning that there were many forms of love. Well, yeah, he wasn't wrong, but at least acknowledge the uncomfortable environment you wrought, man.  
Akiren was mostly focused on keeping the boat from tipping over and wondering if Yusuke ever learned to swim, but a few snippets of conversation from the other boat floated over to his ears.  
"If this is for couples... Does that mean those two..."  
"Sh! There are people from all walks of life here in Tokyo!"  
"Oooh, tell me more..."  
At first, Akiren was just annoyed. Geez, lady, real life isn't one of your BL mangas. Don't objectify people like that.

Then it hit him.

Woke up all the parts of his brain that were busy making a brain quilt of random thoughts.

 _Huh?_ _Couple?_ _Us?_  
Akiren's alarm bells even struggled to go off with how surprising it was. Him? And Yusuke? Now Akiren only had one example of such a relationship to draw from and the one person he knew who looked _scarily_ like Yusuke had fallen for a big, strong, quiet guy who was actually a sweetheart. Those were his two fathers, for those unknowledgeable of his family situation. Sure the boy was quiet and sweet, but that's where the similarities started and ended. His dad could lift a **whole motorbike** and Akiren could barely move his bed to change the sheets. The new PE teacher was so disappointed, but so disappointed, that she kept making sure the teen didn’t have any physical condition that prevented him from not being a wimp.  
(When he went to cry about it to his father, the man reassured him it wasn’t muscles who mattered but a kind heart, quick thinking and courage. Akiren wondered how courageous he could be if he was whispering to his phone in order to not wake up his cat.)

Akiren examined Yusuke's body language closely, practically boring holes into the top of the other's head, but there didn't seem to be any reaction to those words. Negative or otherwise. Was he just... Distracted? Could he control his reaction so masterfully? Was his mask of apathy ten levels above Akiren's?   
Akiren kept a close eye on Yusuke, because he had never gotten any "Oh wow Akiren you're so cool and reliable I wish I could date you" vibes from him. Frankly, neither did he from any of the girls until he found himself driving into the conversational abyss of _someone thinking you're into them_ with mere seconds to drive backwards at 50 miles per hour. Just like uncle Naoya taught him, except with running.

Wait, he was getting distracted.  
Said "conversational cliff" never came from Yusuke. It really did seem that Akiren couldn't accidentally make guys think he was into them.

Then the day of the art competition came.  
And they were at the gallery.  
Admiring Yusuke's painting.  
While the artist himself was explaining it to Akiren.

"This light...” said Yusuke, a faint blush covering his cheeks, "Is all of you".

_Huh?_

Akiren couldn't even answer, he couldn't even embarrass himself by saying something lame. No, while his "dating? No" part was marching around and chanting "Don't! Want! That!" while clapping its hands, every other single part of the teen's brain was utterly flummoxed and unsure how to proceed. This was a possibility they hadn't even taken to account. The guy was probably taking a leap of faith here and Akiren reeeeaally didn't want to sound like a douchebag by tripping on his own ACME brand words à la Looney Ditties. 

How can you be supportive and deny a guy at the same time?

That question proved to be too much for Akiren's answer-making processor, because it sparked and started letting out smoke.

While Yusuke was still going on about hope and light and what not, Akiren was still blue-screening.  
_Huh? Huh??_  
And then the other guy from before showed up and complimented the painting and he and Yusuke started talking about something or other, and Akiren's brain was making modem noises.  
_Huh? Huh?? HUH?!_  
And then something about Madarame and hearts coated with desire and how there were two sides to him and how the guy was also a victim of him and that's why he started the foundation. And Akiren's brain was frozen in the loading screen.  
**_Huuuuuuuuuuuh?!¿_**

The man offered yet again to sponsor Yusuke, but he respectfully declined. The other teen explained it was because, unlike Madarame, he had people to support him.  
People who would offer their hand when he was lost.  
People who would chastise him when he was wrong.  
They were his rays of hope, guiding him.  
All the while, eyes darting to the boy to his right, who was staring into nothing like a deer in the headlights, brain bereft of conscious thought.

"I see... Your partner has been crucial in your growth as an artist", the older man deduced with a smile, scratching his chin. Yusuke, for all the challenges he had with phrasing, understood what partner meant in this situation.  
"O-Oh, we-"  
But he wasn't fast enough. Tired of the general incompetence, Akiren's "Allergic to Romance" part decided to take matters onto its own hands and just embarrass the boy itself.  
"Ahahahahaha partners in CRIME ahahahhaha RIGHT YUSUKE OLD CHAP OHOHOHOHO", chortled the teen in a fake british accent, for some unknown reason, but you may make an educated guess and say "panic". He slapped the back of the gangly teen with a bit too much force, nearly sending Yusuke to the ground. Press turn gained.

The other two stared at Akiren, speechless. Expressionless. Whatever they were thinking, it was impossible to read and maybe because it was nothing. Whatever curse Akiren had just cast into the area of effect, it had just wiped out any thought the two had or could've had. Akiren, the only one not affected, had to continue the conversation by himself - and with luck, _end it._

"Well I Am Parched my friends how about I get us some drinks? Hmm? Hm? Yes? Perfect! Roger that, ahaha!", again spoke the young man, putting his hands together and then walking away in the vain hope of finding _anything_ to bring back. Pamphlets would do, by Arséne.

As the teen scurried away, the other two watched him go until he turned a corner. His curse slowly faded away until the two men finally produced a thought. And it was a question mark.

  
_Let's run. Just run and never come back._  
_That's not a very reliable thing to do-_  
_Oh please; no one thinks we're a cool guy anymore! We're just a weirdo!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mishima voice: s-senpai.....  
> Akiren voice: yo we're in the same year dude


	4. Just(ice) an interlude; Akechi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you may see the tags have updated! it's just me banging pots and pans together, going "EVERYONE COME LOOK AT THIS!". don't mind them.

The face of the young man before him showed a scowl unlike any he had seen before.  
Unlike any emotion Akiren had seen the other show, but frankly speaking, after kicking each other's asses in the metaverse, today did seem like a day for surprises.  
After a very dramatic pause and glare, the other spoke.

"I am going to be completely frank with you."

The alarm bells started ringing.  
Huh? Right now? Really?! From the guy who just offered him an all-you-can-eat buffet of knuckle sandwiches not even five minutes ago?! Who was Akechi to express romantic intentions like that, some sort of killer bee? A praying mantis?! Wait, didn't those eat their partner after... Argh, it didn't matter! The thought of it already made Akiren upset enough, imagining a praying mantis dressed like Akechi was even weirder! At least make him a crow! That's thematically appropriate, right?!

"I _hate_ you."  
"Oh thank Arséne"

Akechi's scowl turned to a look of confusion. "What?"  
Oh, Akiren said that out loud. Okay. Alright. Cool.  
"Eh... Lately it seems like people have been thinking I'd be a great boyfriend or something... And I was afraid you were gonna be the same", Akiren shrugged, scratching the back of his head. Ow, there was definitely a bump there.

The other teen was taken aback.

" _You?_ ” Akechi remarked, voice dripping with such venom, disgust and contempt that it could kill a bottle of cyanide. The blonde teen examined Akiren up and down, one eyebrow and the left side of his upper lift raised in revulsion.

"Okay, I get it. Carry on with your monologue about how you hate me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> persona 5 but akechi is replaced by a life-sized praying mantis with a lot of determination


	5. The Empress; Haru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is a bit Less Funny

A late addition to the team but essential nonetheless, Haru was the last pillar of the phantom thieves.

She was only seventeen and yet she had already faced so much; Haru was truly resilient. Even if she had moments of doubt, she would always make a decision and stick to it, no matter what happened. This headstrong girl was equal parts sweet, caring, and sadistic war machine that thrived on the pained screeches of bisected shadows.  
When Haru made a decision, she made sure she would see it completed. Her current, non-phantom-thieves target? Vegetables on the roof of Shujin. A barren school with a more barren roof and she had done it... Ish. They weren't too great.

So, they needed some tweaks. Haru had already accomplished the impossible to Akiren. Moreover, she was dealing with so many personal problems at the moment that anything which didn't correlate to that was already a small comfort.

The one Akira felt most sympathetic towards was about her forced engagement. For reasons the reader will have probably figured out why. Yes, they both loathed the situation with every fiber of their being. It was, personally, hell to think about, for the two of them.  
For Haru, it was likely the idea of having to spend her life involved with a man she didn't care for.  
For Akiren, just the word 'involved' was enough to make him shudder.

Obviously, he never voiced it out loud. Other people sure seemed to like being in romantic relationships, at least his parents seemed happy... Akiren could never figure out why. It was like everyone was in on a joke that didn't make any sense and refused to explain it to him. If he even asked about it and denied understanding it, people would pity him, worry about him or worse, consider him a freak. And Akiren wasn't going back to that life, ohhh no. He was living large with, like, _12 friends_ out here in the city, he was NEVER going back, no matter what layers of deception he had to cover himself in.

Yu taught him as much and _sure,_ maybe he dived for cover when he thought he recognized one of his old friends when the two went out to check Akihabara together… It was different! Tokyo was Tokyo and Sumaru was a little town most people had never even heard of! It was way more common for people in small towns to visit big cities than the opposite! Right?

  
"It isn't how it's supposed to be", Haru commented sullenly, "You're supposed to marry the person who... Who makes your chest feel tight"

_That's called 'Suffocating', Haru._

Haru looked up at him with those bright, wide eyes of her.  
"Have you ever felt that way before?"  
 _yeah during my asthma attacks lol_

While the rude part of Akiren's brain was making internet comments, a war broke out between the two chief parts yet again.  
 _Lie! Lie, dammit! Be normal! You can't LOSE them; their friendship is the only good thing to happen to you this year! LIE!_ , yelled the 'Validation Needed' part, hitting the 'No Romance Allowed' part with a broom.

In the chaos, a hero rose.

"Well, I guess seeing my friends always makes my chest tight with happiness!” replied Akiren, beaming her a sunny smile in response. He scratched the back of his head just a bit, in a sort of self-deprecating manner as if to say 'Aha, that's kind of a sappy thing to say...'.  
Haru giggled in response. "Oh Akiren, you're so sweet!", she replied, holding her hands together.  
A good answer.  
The perfect answer.  
There shined the true power of the Fool... A zero, though a void, is full of possibilities.  
You have obtained the arcana of the HALF-TRUTH, giving you the infinite power of DODGING THE QUESTION.

As the days passed by and Akiren's other confidants grew in rank (don't ask, it's Fool lingo), Haru grew more confident in herself and her choices regarding the company. She'd heard the current management of her father's company had decided to open a chain of small coffee shops. Akiren feared for Leblanc. It couldn't handle competition!

That aside, Haru was set on sharing a piece of her mind with the current president, with help from coffee she had brewed herself, from beans she had grown herself. Oh, and Akiren too. For moral support.

The meeting had gone quite well, all in all. It turned out Takakura, the president, wasn't as shady as previously thought. From what it seemed like, at least. Haru would still have to exercise some caution, but that how the business world was. Ruthless.

"Also... It seems I made another misunderstanding. I was under the impression you were thrilled about the arrangement with Sugimura-Kun-" That was Haru's scummy fiancé "-so I tried to hurry the engagement along. I wanted you to have all the support I could provide".  
The man lifted his gaze from Haru to Akiren.  
"But I see you're more interested in the young man next to you"

The conversation continued with just a flustered half-denial by Haru. The boy was screeching inside, though. Why again. Why, again. His brain made a sound that could be compared to tires made out of ceramic screeching. Who were also on fire.  
The man eventually left and Akiren eventually managed to stop the ceramic-tire car. Haru thanked the teen, her hands linked together over her lap. He was the reason she managed to get this far, the reason she could trust people again - no easy feat to accomplish, considering what the girl had gone through - and as such, Haru promised she would be there to support him. Akiren could confide in her at any time.  
The boy couldn't help but smile, a wide and nearly goofy grin. This is what having friends who cared about you felt like. The most addicting feeling in the world…

And just as quickly betrayed.

"Mister Takakura said that I... I l-like you. I wonder what gave him that i-im-impression", Haru stammered, looking away as to hide the mighty blush that spread across her cheeks.  
Oh, this one was easy. Haru had practically given him the answer!  
 _Because we're such good friends!_  
A buzzer, not unlike that of a gameshow, rang in his brain. She would cry.  
 _Wh-What?! I... I thought she actually saw me as a friend... She'd cry at that?! Really?  
...  
O-Okay, we could lie. Say I already have a girlfriend!_  
The buzzer sounded again.  
 _We're actually related!_  
The buzzer.  
 _... Tell her the truth?_  
Buzzer.  
 _Is there no way to do this without- wi- wit-th-th-  
_ A chiding 'correct!' noise sounded in his mind.

Akiren drew ragged breaths, struggling to calm himself down before Haru noticed something was up.  
But he couldn't.  
His stomach turned and turned and yet felt completely empty at the same time. There it was, the pressure in his lungs. This was what made his chest feel tight, dear Haru. Not man, not woman nor anyone else, no. It was a panic attack.  
Of course Haru noticed. How could she not? She had eyes and ears and by god, she knew how to use them.  
"My goodness, are you alright?! Should I get... Do you want some water?", Haru asked, but the ringing of buzzers and chimes on Akiren's ears prevented him from hearing what she said.  
"I'm sorry", Akiren gasped, grasping the sides of his stomach as it started hurting harder than taking the full brunt of a shadow attack, "I'm sorry", Akiren gasped again, trembling and leaning over on the couch, shaking his head, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry- please... Please please forgive me... I'm sorry", he mumbled to himself, tongue catching in his teeth.  
While Haru, herself, was panicking and trying to think of how to ground her friend, some particular memories came to Akiren's mind, whose vision was swimming so intensely he could not made out the coffeetable before him.

_Remember that girl in ninth grade? The one you knew since you both wore diapers! Yeah, you were such good friends... You both turned your noses at everyone's obsession with girlfriends and boyfriends. You thought you could tell her the truth! She'd be the one to understand, right? Right? Right?_   
_..._   
_Bzzzzzt! Wrroooong! Boy, did she look at you like you were a freak. Because it wasn't like that, Akiren, she did want a boyfriend eventually, Akiren, your behaviour was just unnatural, Akirrrrren! And how she followed that up with a slew of questions she had no business asking, huh?!_   
_..._   
_You thought that was it, at least. One of your two bridges burnt. Bad, but it could've been worse, right?_   
_...It was worse._   
_Bingo! Because right the next day, someway, somehow, it had spread to the entire school. Boy, were you EVER the target! Every single second inside of that hellhole, you were getting called names or being approached by students you didn't know asking invasive questions. They'd stop you with force or follow you out and they didn't even care your uncle was a cop! Would uncle Katsuya even have done something? Hah, probably not. He'd probably agree with them, you know?_   
_...He would._   
_The teachers sure as hell did! What a betrayal, right? You thought at least having good grades would make them protect you. Nope! YOU were the one to blame. They were right in bullying you. You were the one was different, after all! They were oooonly concerned about your wellbeing, is all! Because as everyone knows, not feeling anything was FREAKISH, YOU ABERRATION._ _Haha, yeah._ _Remember the_ _psychologist?_   
_Don't-_   
_Alright, alright. We'll leave that trauma for later. Let's think about the other bridge you burned, hm?_   
_..._   
_Yeah, that guy. Friends for ever. Blood pact. Two peas in a pod. Knew each other since elementary! Where one was, you would always find the other, you two guys were inseparable!_   
_Right._   
_Yeup, he was your one help during all this. The only one who would stand up for you. Who'd keep you company in the bathroom stalls you hid in until recess was over. He sure didn't get you at all, but hey! At least he wasn't harassing you like the others. Nope, he'd stand by you until the end, because friendship was the most important thing in the world to him!_   
_Bullshit._   
_Bingo! Jackass threw you under the bus the second he found himself a girl to drool over. Alllll those years of ups and downs thrown away over some chick he had met two weeks ago._   
_Why._   
_He stopped talking to you altogether. Looking at you. Acknowledging you exist. Geez, does it hurt even more to have someone grab your hand and then throw you down the cliff anyway, doesn't it? Abandoned once more, huh?_   
_Why did he just leave me_   
_You wanna know why? Because you're lesser, buddy! You could scoop up your heart and give it to your so-called friends and they wouldn't give a shit as long as it had the word 'platonically' in front. You could spend lifetimes getting to know them, going through life with them, helping them and bending over backwards to make them like you. But you're still gonna be thrown away like trash once they meet someone hot enough or some crap._   
_Wh...Why._   
_'Cuz friendship means dick to them, genius! It's all just temporary and lesser, duh. Yup, haha. No one's ever gonna care about us._   
_Mom... And my dads-_   
_THEM?! You wanna talk about them?! They're gonna die eventually, you know? Way sooner than you, too. And that is if they don't get tired of putting up with your freakish robotic loveless bullshit. You really think they get it? They tolerate it because you're a minor, but just wait until you're eighteen-_   
_Don't talk about them like t-_   
_You know I'm right! I'm you, Einstein! You've thought abouuut it! Hell, you know the truth, deep down. You sure weren't what they wanted when they decided to adopt a kid. Such a disappointment... They should've just left you there, you know?_   
_I-_   
_Yeah, you're fated to be all alone, forever. No one will ever stay with you. Mutilate your personality and Frankenstein it into exactly what they need, but it's not gonna do anything to make them stay. You know what's gunna?_   
_Stop, please-_   
_Take the bait, asshole. Date her already. Sure, you'll doubly hate yourself and - sheesh - you'll end up hating poor innocent Haru over forcing you to be in a situation you hate, but she'll stay with you. That's more than anyone would've done. Just go for it. You'll be miserable either way_   
_St-Stop! I- I can't-_

“Akiren!”

The boy opened his eyes to find Haru kneeling in front of him on the couch, holding his hands in her own.  
"Uhm... What's the name of the coffee made by extracting beans from the civet's feces!"  
Akiren blinked, staring at her. He still trembled violently, his own miserable thoughts ringing in his ears blocking him from reminding that very essential tidbit of information.  
"I-I I... I don't... I'm so sorry", Akira once again apologized between sobs, his head hanging. He tried to yank his hands back, but Haru held firm.  
"It's fine, it's okay, Akiren! But what do you think it's called? Give me the first answer that comes to your mind", Haru assured him, holding his hands tighter.  
Akiren looked at her in confusion, but answered nonetheless.  
"I-It... It was...Um, Kopi... Lu-ak, right? I think?"  
"Correct! N-Now! What are five things you can see?"  
Akiren, confused, looked around him.  
"You?"  
"Four more!"  
"Um... The plant, over there in the corner. Oh, the... The- the, umm... Coffee cups. The table? And also... The buildings outside?"

"Very good!", Haru gave him a smile, before taking one of her hands back and raising four fingers, "Four things you can feel!"

Scared.

"I... I can feel the couch. I'm sitting on"  
"Very good, keep going!"  
"There's also your hands. And the rug...” Akiren closed his eyes, trying to think of a fourth one, "The... There's a soft breeze. I think one of the windows is open in the hallway".  
Haru clasped their hands together again, nodding in approval.  
"Next, name three things you can hear"

The angry voice in my head.

"I-I can hear my h-he-heart beating a lot-"  
"Something else, Akiren. Around the room"  
The boy concentrated, looking around him to see if sight could give him a hint.  
One of those little vacuum cleaner robots slowly drifted into frame.  
"Oh, the Voomba", Akiren pointed out, trying to point with one of the hands still in Haru's grasp. He lifted his head. "There are also the cars outside... I can barely hear people walking upstairs".

"Excellent! Now, I'm just going to ask you two more things, yes? Can you tell me two things you can smell?” Haru asked once more, shifting slightly when her sitting pose started to get uncomfortable.  
"Well, this room already smells pretty good... It's like... Lavender, I think", Akiren sniffed the air, "There's also the smell of coffee, that could be from the cups... Or me, or you".  
Haru giggled. The two _were_ starting to smell a lot like coffee lately.

"One last thing, if that is alright. Could you tell me one thing you can taste?"  
This one was easy.  
"The coffee you made, Haru. I know you said it wasn't any good, but I really liked it", Akiren replied, finally sitting up straight.

Haru nodded, with an accomplished smile on her face, and let go of his hands so she could sit next to him on the couch. While giving him his space, of course. And two just stayed in the couch, staring forwards in silence. Akiren took deep breaths, now again in control of the situation, waiting for his heart to slow down to a normal rhythm. The boy took note of his surroundings, noticing Haru's phone on top of the coffee table. It was opened to a page on Gugle, "How to calm someone down from a panic attack". Akiren didn't know why, but that made him chuckle affectionately. The only other person who searched that because of him was his father, but those were memories he'd rather not relive at the moment.  
Haru noticed his chuckle, looking up at him as if she had also just awakened from a trance.  
"Are you feeling better?” she asked, concerned, reaching for his hands but stopping herself.

Akiren was grateful for that. He never wanted to tell people to let go of him when their physical contact started bothering him; he'd sound rude, or worse, weird. The boy wrung his hands together, looking back down to his legs.  
"Yeah. I'm sorr-"

"No, you have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who's sorry", Haru interrupted him, turning slightly to face him. "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like I thought you being my friend wasn't enough, Akiren".  
Oh, so he said that out loud, huh. His heart caught in his throat.  
"I managed to catch some of what you were mumbling to yourself, yes", Haru nodded, now holding his hand between her own, "But I would _never_ think any less of you for how you feel. Our friendship is of utmost importance to me", she looked him straight in the eye, "I could never cut all ties with you or insult you because you turned my romantic feelings down".

Akiren was this close to crying. The touch of Haru's hands didn't feel uncomfortable any more.

"It's my fault, really... I say stuff and then people get the wrong idea-", Akiren said, looking away as he struggled to match her stare, but Haru interrupted him.  
"No it is _not_. You... You never said anything of the sort, Akiren. It was all just me. You were just kind to me. Just a good friend", the girl reassured him, patting his hand. The boy was really struggling to keep it together and not cry in front of Haru, but the girl was practically soothing his long held traumas. The floodgates at this point were a _very determined_ cardboard wall. 

"Can we stay, then? Good friends?” Akiren asked, wet eyes shining behind the mess of hair, "Even if I don't like you like that?”. He knew he was being lame and uncool beyond belief, he knew that his carefully structured façade had been practically kicked down by his own sensitivity, but he didn't care. At the end of the day, this was the reason he had the façade up; to have friends.   
Haru smiled up at him. "We can and we shall", she promised, with that soft smile, her kind eyes and her endless patience. Akiren tried to read her expression and saw nothing hidden. She didn't think any lesser of him. Nothing had changed.

The two stayed together for a while, talking about nothing in particular so Akiren would take his mind off of his panic attack. Eventually, when Haru was finally convinced that he was faring better, she let him go home. By train, even if she wanted to call one of the company chauffeurs to drive him there.  
Late afternoon. Akiren stopped at the door, lingering before he opened it. After all, nothing is solved in a day. Insecurities remain, and his nervousness over just revealing a hidden part of his personality to Haru gnawed at his core. He couldn't leave it like this, but he couldn't go back either... He turned back to face his friend.  
"Haru? Did you... Catch the part about... You know-" Him not being able to feel any attraction whatsoever and such. Him having issues over being alone for the rest of his life. Him feeling like a loveless, empty shell.  
Haru nodded, deciding that the boy was going to follow that up with something so she should stay quiet. Akiren, mind still fogged, couldn't read what part Haru had heard. All of it? He hope not. He prayed not.  
"I know you said you wouldn't judge me, but..." He gestured with his hands, circles like his own brain was loading, "Could you not tell anything to the other thieves?". Control the damage.  
Now, Haru was surprised.   
"Akiren, you know they wouldn't judge you either. We're always available to help you with your problems."

  
Right.

  
Akiren swallowed dryly, whatever happiness he had over having a friend who didn't reject him completely gone.  
Because this was a problem.  
This wasn't normal, by their standards.  
This was wrong, in their eyes.

"It's just something I want to try understanding better myself", Akiren explained, trying to come up with the most believable lie. He could only wish that his despondency didn't show through his tone of voice or body language. He'd done enough, crawled himself out of his hole and then fallen back in. Akiren throwed in the towel.  
 _If they don't reject you outright, they try to fix you._  
Haru blinked twice, nodding in understanding. "Oh, I see! I can recognize the need to come to a realization alone first", the girl spoke, clutching her hands together, "Take all the time you need. We will be here when you need us”. And she, stars bless her, said it with all the platonic affection and concern in the world. Voice dripping with care for her friend. She didn't even know the damage she'd done just before, how could she ever guess? How could she ever guess the weird engines that worked endlessly in Akiren's brain, all those piles of insecurities that sparked because of mere words.   
Her words... So caring, so caring!

But they just felt empty again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: I know I said this was all based on my experiences, but that's just my middleschool trauma! I've gotten over it and have come to terms with two things:  
> 1-If someone doesn't consider platonic relationships as important as romantic ones, they're not worth the time  
> 2-I am a perfectly good and capable person on my own! I don't have to rely on others all the time!  
> So yes, don't be concerned! I'm a much happier person now :0)!


	6. The Hermit Wizard Interlude; Futaba and Morgana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Akiren has max confidant with Futaba)

"Hey, you took a while getting here! Welcome baaa- Oh, yikes!"

It wasn't until he saw Futaba's startled face that he realized he probably looked like the most miserable drowned rat in the world.

The girl got up from her "delinquent in front of a convenience store" squat and rushed to her friend's side. Morgana, who had just gone for a walk around the neighbourhood, came back in time to see the depressed mop in front of Leblanc. Brand new roadside attraction, come one and all! See the downcast walking mop!  
Geez, Akiren couldn't even snicker at his own jokes.

"Hey, man! Are you alright?", Futaba asked, grabbing one of his shoulders. "Did something happen?"

"Did... Did something bad happen with Haru?” Morgana asked cautiously. An atmosphere of fear came over the two of them.

"She's fine. The president of company is a good guy who wants to go back to their roots", Akiren muttered as loud as he could in his despondent haze, "And the forced engagement has been called off", he lightly slapped his own chest with his hand, “This is all just personal. I'm fine".

Futaba stepped back, doubtful. "You don't look fine, my guy. You wanna talk about it?” she asked, crossing her arms. The posture was so Sojiro-like, that Akiren could only deduce that the girl had copied it from her guardian.

Akiren looked around them. Passerby were curving by the odd group, not ignoring the chance to rubberneck at the wonderful new roadside attraction.

Nope. It wasn't funnier the second time.

"Not here", Akiren succinctly replied, shaking his head. Morgana concurred. "You are in no state to stay alone, tonight", he remarked, before turning his head to look at Futaba beside him, "Can you ask Sojiro to let us spend the night at your place?"

Futaba replied with an "aye aye!" before hurrying on inside Leblanc.

"From what you've told me before...” Morgana spoke, jumping up on the wall that Akiren had decided to lean against, "I can imagine what happened at the end of that meeting". The boy shook his head.

"It was worse, Morgana", Akiren brought his hands up to rub his eyes below his glasses, "I don't wanna talk here", he once again reminded. Morgana merely nodded and curled up on the wall, beside the boy's head.

Since the last costumers had just gone home, Sojiro came out of the small café with his apron on and his hands on his hips.

"What's this about you turning into the world's saddest m- Oh."

One look at him and Sojiro was already taken aback. The man sighed, in the way he did, and scratched the back of his head. "What happened? Some girl dump you?" Akiren stared up at him with half-dead eyes. "W-Well. You can stay over tonight", the man quickly pointed at him with one finger, "But no funny business, alright?!"

"Sojiro!” Futaba spoke, appalled, "You really think I'd betray my dakimakura like that?!"

Akiren finally chuckled.

\--

Futaba's room was something out of this world.

Akiren sat, cross-legged, sharing the bed with Futaba's beloved dakimakura (of not an actual anime character but rather a pattern of Galaba Ships), bathed in the ever changing full RGB light of her gaming setup. Action figures, a myriad of them, showcased in shelves reaching the ceiling, which was covered in glow in the dark stars. The posters of anime and game characters covered the walls, three dozen eyes staring through his soul.

Futaba was turned away from him, sitting cross-legged in her massive gaming chair, with the title ORACLE GAMING inscribed upon the back. Beside her, a minifridge, filled with a plentiful bounty of the snacks of they of the gamer clans. Hill Dew. Creature Energy. Crocorade. Leys Chips. Phoskitos.

The whirring of the pc tower's fan, Morgana's - who had taken his lap as a throne - comforting purr, the ambient tunes of the game Futaba was playing (the pc port of Cubivore 4, a game by Etlus of Jin Mogamey Denzei fame), the clicking of the controller's buttons. All of these sounds, woven together, formed a melody that resonated within Akiren's brain, already altered due to the flowing rgb light in the dark room, and stopped it from forming negative thoughts.

This was truly, a safe den... The gamer's checkpoint... Bonfire lit, as one would say, in the famous video game series, Dusk Souls...  
Futaba had been ruminating on what Akiren had told her of the events that transpired. The boy appreciated the quiet time, if anything to put his own thoughts in order. She turned to him, game paused and arms crossed. Backlit by the light of the myriad monitors, blinding in the dark room, and the thousand waving RGB leds, Futaba looked like a messiah, just arrived on earth.

_She who would finally... Society... Gamers... Geez, this RGB light is getting to my brain!_

"So what you're saying is you've accidentally wandered into the romance route of a whole bunch of characters, and you only realized it when you were one choice away from their good ending?", Futaba asked, hand scratching her chin in thought, other clutching the controller just above her leg. The modern Baphomet.  
"Yeah, but you don't have to turn everything into a game analogy", Akiren commented with a chuckle. He was feeling a lot better.  
"Oh, I don't have to, I _need_ to, chief", Futaba cackled to herself, crossing her arms, "One day, you may understand that need as well".  
Akiren shook his head fondly. Futaba really was one of a kind.  
"In terms of my life... It's like I was playing a visual novel, but then it forces you to pick the romance routes. And if you don't, it boots you from the game", Akiren explained, scratching Morgana's cheek. Futaba's eyes were as wide as plates.

"It _kills_ you?!"  
"Ah- n-no! No one is trying to kill me because of this... No one that I know of", Akiren quickly reassured her. He tapped his chin, thinking of a better analogy.  
"You know Emblems of Fire Fates?"  
"Eh, don't like strategy games. But go on"  
"Yeah, never played it either. But imagine you don't follow any of the... Like, romantic paths it has. Then all of your allies' loyalty to you starts declining. Then maybe the game thrusts you into one, and you decline. You lose that ally for ever, and everyone's loyalty decreases as well" Akiren explained, shrugging. "And all you wanted to do was play the strategy game, not be stuck in the dating sim minigame".  
Futaba nodded, understanding.  
"Iii getcha. That sucks, man. I'm glad enough I don't have the looks of the most popular character of a dating sim, like you", Futaba said, turning her chair again to resume her game.

Akiren laid down, arms behind his head. Morgana shifted to lie on his stomach.

"You really think I'd be the most popular character of a dating sim?", the boy asked, rolling strands of his messy hair between his fingers.  
"Oh, dude. For sure. Messy hair, tired eyes, sharp-toothed grin. Mischievous and mysterious, but sweet and kind to his friends with that sort of 'sinnamon roll' type of attitude. And even more, glasses character-", Futaba looked over the head of her chair, "The fangirls would eat you _alive_. Some literally".  
"Literally?!” Morgana asked, incredulous.  
Futaba waved at him. "Don't ask questions to answers you're not ready to hear, Mona", she said ominously, before looking over the side of the chair, "I think you'd only be beaten by the furry bait character", she decided, before returning to her game.

Akiren examined his hair more closely. The trio were silent for a while.

"What if I was the furry bait character? Wh-"

"Maine Coon cat. Black"  
!  
"That was fast"  
"You haven't checked the Phantom Aficionado forums lately, _have you_?"

The two guests were dead silent for a few beats, Futaba snickering to herself mischievously.

"Wait!” Morgana interrupted, jolting from his sleeping position, a look of fear in his feline face, "Wouldn't they have to know what Akiren looked like?"

"Nah", Futaba quickly dismissed him, "The furries were just throwing designs at the wall to see what stuck and Dumb Old Nishima pinned one of a black fluffy cat. Now it's the Unofficial Phan-tom cat Thief. Technically, we all have to share a fursona, you guys"

Futaba pulled up the forum thread to show her friends.

Akiren grinned at the sly and smug looking anthropomorphic cat in typical gentleman thief garb shown on the screen.

"I love our ninth member", the boy commented. "Don't even start...” Morgana groaned. He would've face palmed if he could. "Mishima is gonna get us all killed."

\--

After a while of seeing Futaba being a Video Game Master, Sojiro called them to dinner.

"Bring it heeeere Sojiro!” Futaba replied, perilously leaning back on her chair while still playing her game.

"Futaba, we have guests!"

"Heeeere!"

Akiren could hear Sojiro sigh from all the way in the kitchen.

"If you don't come to the table, we're gonna eat the limited edition ice-cream without you!"

Futaba gasped in horror, pausing her game.

"You _wouldn't_ "

Akiren grinned.

" _I_ would".

Grumbling, Futaba paused her game, struggled to leave her gaming chair and walked out of the small room.

"Turn off those rave lights of yours, too!"

"They're called R-G-B lights!"

Futaba came back just as quick as she had left and begun her never ending quest to turn off all of the RGB lights. In every nook and cranny, there seemed to be a new switch, hidden in ways that Akiren could only think weren't very practical. Wasn't this a fire hazard, too?

When Akiren and Sojiro finished setting the table, Futaba was still looking for more switches.

Dinner went smoothly. Akiren didn't realize how much he actually missed sitting at an actual table and eating face to face with people he cared about.

He should give his parents a call, tonight.

  
To Sojiro's chagrin, Futaba had charged back into her room as soon as the issue of doing the dishes came up. While he was calling for her, again reminding her that they had guests, Akiren offered to wash them himself.  
"I can't ask you that", Sojiro chuckled, crossing his arms, "You do plenty of that back at Leblanc".  
"Exactly. I'm an expert", the boy replied, polishing the first buttons of his shirt with his knuckles. Not unlike a Saturday morning cartoon. The man couldn't argue with that. Sojiro patted him on the back and walked away to put everything else away, still quietly laughing to himself about the boy's cartoonish antics.

As one could probably tell, Akiren was feeling much better. The panic attack was long forgotten and the fact his friends could never understand him was the last thing on his mind.

Uuuntil he thought of that. Curses.

No, he wasn't going to spare a minute to that thought. He was having a nice evening, dagnabbit. Whatever bad vibes his brain had to bring to the table, they could be postponed.

Akiren went back to Leblanc to get his sheets and set his bed on the couch, which actually opened to serve as a bed. His hosts stared at him oddly when he clapped after Sojiro unfolded the couch-bed. Akiren really liked furniture that unfolded. What could he say. His birthday gift had been a table that unfolded to become longer and by _Arséne_ did he love it. No matter how childish it may seem, Akiren insisted on being the one who opened the table when they had guests over.

Both Sojiro and Akiren had to wake up early, so they went to bed right after dinner. Early to rise and early to bed, it shan't be mortal hands that find me dead.

Lying down on the couch, with the room pitch black, the entire house dead silent and an inability to sleep, Akiren could only stare up at the ceiling.  
He would've started a tally of whatever interesting features the ceiling had to offer, but, again. Pitch black. A Mothman could be flying back and forth above him and he would be none the wiser.

Void of any distracting activities, who else but his troublesome thoughts to join the party!  
_Hey, do you-  
Nope.  
Remember that-  
Nuh-huh.  
What about that guy-  
Denied.  
Your parents don't love you!  
Get new material, dipstick! And let me sleep!  
_ The boy could only be glad these kinds of thoughts rarely showed up. When they did, though, they stuck around for a goooood while.

Akiren pictured Arséne fighting back the thoughts in the form of weak demons. Nothing better to do than use his imagination.  
_My trickster! These personas of yours do very little to protect you from these maddening imps!_  
Akiren chuckled to himself, clutching the edges of his blanket.  
_What do you want? Most of them are just there to be matching Arcana._

  
His mind went quiet shortly after. Almost like in those movies when the main character says something abruptly that echoes around the room and everyone shuts up... You know the ones, yeah? Yeah, let's continue.  
A lot of his current persona were, in fact, useless in combat. He probably only had around three that he actually used and the rest were only there so he could connect more easily with his confidants. If he had a persona of the same Arcana he associated them with, they'd grow closer. They'd like him more.

...Akiren had a problem.

Before Akiren could realize that he was a people-pleaser to a fault, he heard a whisper coming from the hallway.  
"Hey... Hey, Akiren... Are you awake?"  
The boy smiled to himself, turning on the couch-bed.  
"Nope."

A huff from Futaba and one of her classic mischievous snickers.  
"Stealth 100. Still the oldest trick in the book, Silverman"  
Futaba really seemed to like using his middle name instead of his last one. Makes you sound like a cool protagonist, was what she said.  
"Now turn around. You had some major depression vibes before dinner and I'm not leaving you alone with your dumb thoughts"  
Akiren turned around to what he assumed was the side the TV was on. He could hear Futaba's footsteps and feel her sitting on the ground just in front of the couch-bed, also facing the TV. It lit up, silently, showing rerun episodes of the Phoenix Rangers. Season Two. The boy couldn't help but smile, memories of being younger and watching all those episodes over and over again.  
His parents had every single one of them on VCR, and so did his aunt. Ah, the sweet nostalgia of staying at Aunt Maya and Aunt Ulala's house in the morning, when his dad was still a cop and his father was still a teacher... And his mom also had work... Everyone had to go to work early and Akiren could stay with his work-at-home aunts and watch Phoenix Rangers (season 2) in the early morning, wrapped up in a cozy blanket and laying down on that old, velvet couch.  
Akiren sighed at the pleasant memories who he knew he would never relive.

Morgana had (obviously) woken up as well, stretching out of his curled up, sleeping pose. With two glances, one at the mop-haired teen on the couch and one at the anime-cat-girl-print-pajama-donning teen on the floor, Morgana deduced what was happening.  
"Akiren. I don't mean to be rude...", the cat spoke up, startling Akiren out of his nostalgic daze, "...You should talk to Maruki. Before he leaves".  
Futaba looked back over her shoulder with a glare, in a "Way to ruin the mood", way, before realizing herself that was exactly the purpose of her being there.  
  


"I know it may be hard for you to believe, but the others wouldn't reject you", Morgana continued, moving over Akiren to make sure he didn't ignore him, "At the end of the day, it's your choice. But if it's weighing on you, look within yourself and you know they'd be accepting".  
Akiren matched the cat's stare.  
"You don't get it. What was your first thought when I told you?” Akiren asked, and then continued as he saw Morgana opening his mouth, "And don't lie".  
The cat sighed, closing his eyes. "I thought... I thought that must be a sad, lonely existence", Morgana stared off into the distance, "My love for Lady Ann fuels my steps, so I could only see emptiness without such a yearning". Akiren groaned, rolling his eyes, gently moving Morgana out of the way. "H-Hey! Listen, I understand it better now, okay?"

"Please. Maybe you came around, but even the ones that do just think about 'fixing' me. Because I'm broken and incomplete, or some crap" Morgana stood up, his tail flicking from side to side.  
"We would not try to 'fix' you-"  
"You would, man"  
Morgana stared in shock at Futaba's interruption.  
"Hey, don't look at me like that. The first thing you did after rescuing me was try to fix me."

Morgana and Akiren looked at her before focusing on the TV show, guilt-ridden and called out.  
"I'm... I'm sorr-", Akiren started, before being interrupted again.  
"No neeeed to apologize, chief. All that techno-anxiety-depression-hermitry was bad for me. It was something I wanted too. That's what I mean", Futaba placed an arm up on the couch to lift herself up a bit, "Those guys would try to fix you because they think they'd be helping. You have to tell them 'I'm perfectly happy like this, even if you don't get it' and they'd understand"

“It took me two weeks to explain to Ryuji I’m farsighted and he still insists my glasses are fake.”  
“We’re not counting Ryuji.”

Akiren rolled over to stare up at the ceiling again, hands linked over his stomach. He hoped Futaba was right.  
"...But that's not the real problem"  
The boy stilled. Morgana moved back into his line of sight, now standing - rather painfully - on his ribcage.  
"You were deathly scared of them rejecting you"  
Akiren frowned. "Ugh, let me sleep-"  
"This is serious! As your friend, I'm really concerned about you", Morgana continued, following him no matter which side he rolled to, "You drove yourself to a panic attack because of the assumption that Haru would dislike you, you don't think that's a problem?"  
Akiren groaned, covering his head with his blankets.

"Wait, that character development part of his isn't even started? You've been going to see the counsellor guy I don't know how frequently, what the heck have those two been talking about?"  
Morgana looked at Futaba, shooting glances to the lump under the blankets, voice dripping with disappointment.  
"The same he talks about with everyone. Tells them what they want to hear and only speaks in half-truths."

Akiren could feel his heart tighten again. He was that obvious that Morgana could tell? Could the others tell? Did they know? Did they think less of him for it? Did-

"Hey hey hey, calm down! It's okay, it's okay, I apologize, I was way too harsh there", Morgana meowed, head-butting the top of the boy's head in an affectionate manner, "Akiren, I'm your friend, okay? I care about you. You come back home, looking like an abandoned kitten, you tell me you had a panic attack and then you expect me not to care? I can't do that"

Futaba turned around, crossing her arms on the couch.

"You don't have to be scared about it, Akiren. The guy will be gone in a couple of weeks or so and he'll take all your secrets to the grave. I think talking about it to someone would make you feel better", Futaba commented, extending her hand to rub Akiren's shoulder.  
"But if you don't want to, you don't have to", Morgana commented, laying his head on top of Akiren's, "I just feel like you wanna talk about it to someone. And there's someone who can help you".

Akiren sighed, peeking out from under the covers.  
"If I say I'll think about it, can we get back to watching Phoenix Rangers?” the boy asked.  
"That's all I can ask of you", Morgana promised.  
The boy sighed.  
"I promise I'll think about it. And-", Akiren patted Morgana on the head, "I care for you too."  
"Hey! I was an emotional support too, where's MY head pat?!"  
Akiren chuckled and ruffled Futaba's hair.  
The three settled down again to resume watching the show until sleep came.

In the morning, Sojiro found the three of them sleeping on the couch-bed.  
Well, two of them. Morgana and Futaba had taken all of the blankets and Akiren had slid to the floor, but didn't seem bothered by it at all.

On his way to school, he wondered whether he should actually listen to those two. He decided to brush the topic aside for the time being.

Just to kick the topic away from him even more, he stopped at his bakery of choice to buy something to eat on his way to school. The owner, an old lady he'd become good friends with, was even there!  
"I tell you, young man", she said, with that charming smile and kind eyes of her, as she handed him an overly-sweet pastry, "Every time I look at your eyes, I see nothing but emptiness and a light reflecting from twenty shattered mirrors"  
Akiren gaped at her.  
He had a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want a cubivore remake
> 
> i wouldn't say futaba is aroace like akiren, she only feels attracted to catgirls/catboys/catIndividuals is all  
> okay i'm sorry i promise i won't open my mouth again
> 
> Also! Turns out I misjudged the number of chapters because initially i wanted to seperate the Mishima and Ryuji chapters from the Yusuke one.  
> So while I still have to catch up to the third semester, I'll try and conjure up a new interlude to get to the seven chapters.
> 
> (was thinking one about the Yu-Yosuke subplot, whaddya think?)  
> \---  
> (if you did think the phantom thieves mascot was the greatest joke ever, check out my one other persona fic, The Cat Returns (Home) ! Akiren's a norwegian forest cat!)


	7. The Royal Advisor; Councillor Interludes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me: the lease is clear. no adult confidants  
> maruki: <8^)  
> me: okay ill make an exception because he looks very polite

It was one of those rainy days. One of the very irritating ones in which the humidity stuck around for so much that not only the floor was wet, but the walls, the tables, the books and even the people themselves were humid. Horrendous.

Yes, it was a horrible day, and Akiren couldn't have found a better backdrop for the day he had to face the counsellor one last time.  
He'd worked so hard to feed the man the lines he wanted to hear exactly, and now he was throwing that all away! What a waste. Do you know how hard it is to keep a psychologist from finding out you're just saying whatever to keep them happy?! Those bastards make a living out of knowing what you're plotting!

"Oh, quit complaining", came a muffled meow from his bag, "It'll be just a quick chat. No need to be this dramatic"

Easy for the sleeping cat to say!

But Morgana was right. For once.

It was in and out. Quick. The guy was packing his things to leave already, so he couldn't sit on that chair of his and berate him for hours even if he wanted to. It was easy, really. Just walk in, smoothly, and get the ball rolling. Tell him all about how you feel like a broken, empty shell and about your trauma. Just like that. Easy!

With a deep breath, Akiren placed his hand on the doorknob to the nurse's office and opened the door with a bit too much force.

In that single instant, Akiren panicked, forgot how to speak, suddenly remembered, forgot what to say, defaulted to putting the first word of greeting he could recall and the first title he could attribute to the poor, listless man packing leftover snacks inside a bag and shouted them out.

"Hellooooo, Doctorrrrr!", shouted Akiren, scaring the begeezus out of Dr. Maruki.

"Kurusu!" Dr. Maruki said, as the book he was trying to fetch from the top of the medicine cabinet fell on his head with a dry thud. "What are you doing here?"

"Just thought I'd drop by for a quick chat before you leave" Akiren shrugged, scratching the back of his head. "Get some last things figured out, you know"

"Of course, of course!" Maruki said, picking the book off of the ground. "Sit, sit, I'll go get you some apple juice"

Ah, yes... The only reason anyone ever bothered with the scruffy man. The Juice. Apple juice box in hand, plate of leftover snacks on the coffee table, the two sat once more in those comfy armchairs.

"So... What do you wanna talk about?"

Akiren checked in with the different parts of his brain, wondering if they wanted to open up? Comment on the situation?

Nope. A resounding nay. They might disagree with each other 80% of the time, but at the moment they were all in agreement. Frankly, he would’ve liked this sort of teamwork at any other time, friends! Maybe during exams? Tests? Knowing what to say? But no, they only synced up when it was inconvenient. Typical.

"Can you start? I'm still trying to organize everything in my mind, you see", Akiren said, tapping his fingers on the armrest with a small, sheepish smile.

Maruki gave him one in return.

"Oh, sure... Let me see, the other day..."

Maruki was an odd guy. Well meaning, yeah, unlucky, for sure, but... It was hard to describe what was it about him that made Akiren's sixth sense give him a "hmmmmm" of warning. As far as he could tell, he was an innocuous wet milquetoast of a man. Yeah, yeah, like he was in any place to talk, but still.

  
He had the aura of a capybara, sure, but a capybara who committed war crimes!  
Okay. Maybe he was hyperbolizing a little bit. Still, he always trusted his sixth sense - if it worked on detecting shadows and loot, it worked on detecting which folks had a Deep Dark Twisted Mind.

Hm. That didn't fit Maruki, either. It wasn’t like he was any sort of palace ruler, frankly. Akiren didn’t think it was possible for him to be! If he was that knowledgeable of psychology to have at least a degree in it, he was sure to keep his emotions and desires in check well enough to prevent forming a palace. At least that’s what Akiren rationalized; it was what made sense to him. Maruki having a palace would be like a fireman committing arson. No. Wait. That was actually fairly recurrent… Agh, it was always two steps forward one step back with the metaphors.

What matters is that Akiren felt a small familiar spark in him.

But the idea of the counsellor being a persona user also made Akiren chuckle. What would it even be? One of those therapist office long chairs? Freud? Hah!

"So for the rest of the day, I was worried about that random old lady calling me a klutz for tripping out of the bus!"  
"Ohhh, man. I can totally relate", Akiren replied, leaning back in his chair, "The other day I drove myself to a panic attack because of a love confession"  
"Really? Were you nervous about confessing your love?"  
The thought of that made Akiren raise the corner of his lip in disgust.

"Nope. Other way around. I felt like a friend of mine was confessing to me, and I didn't know how to turn her down without making her cry"

"Ohhh... I see, I see. That is an issue", Maruki leaned back as well, scratching his chin in thought, "Did she cry?"

"Oh, no, no. I just felt like, no matter what I said, she'd cry if I rejected her", Akiren sighed, looking up to the ceiling, "And I was worried she wouldn't want to be friends anymore, you see"

"If you don't mind me asking, has she done something like that before?"

"Well... No, not really. Not that I know of", Akiren scratched the back of his head, knowing what the question was leading to, "But I usually get a good read on people. I know you were going to follow that up with a 'then how could you be sure she would cry and cut ties with you?’”  
_And I'm also speaking from experience._

"Haha, well, you got me there...", Maruki chuckled, shaking his head, "But I do think it is a valid point".

The man took a long sip from a box of apple juice.

"I also thought I was good at reading people - after all, that's what my job hinges on. But, after meeting you and your classmates, I can never say for sure", Maruki explained, smiling gently, "People, even those you think you know very well, can surprise you"

_I think you're off track here, doc_

"It wasn't about me knowing her, doc... It-"

_NO NO NO NO NO NO_

"...You know, she comforted me after the panic attack. Calmed me down, from it, too", Akiren looked down, smiling gently. "That is like her. That's how she is"

"And you're still friends?"

"Yeah, of course", Akiren blinked, realizing the smile on the counsellor's face, "...Alright, mmmaybe I was hyperbolizing on the 'cutting ties with me' part"

The doctor nodded, hands intertwined over his stomach, struggling to hold the box and be Intertwined at the same time. Maybe put the juice down first, doc.

"I would say that you still read people pretty well, Kurusu. But sometimes nervousness can make us...", Maruki gestured, "Feel and see things that aren't quite real. It's a part of our brain's defense mechanism"

He put down his juice box on top of the table.

"Out of curiosity, have you been in similar situations?"

_Don't DON'T Don't say anything! You can say Nah! It's one syllable!! It's easy!!  
Dadgummit, we came here for peace of mind and we're gonna get the full psychoanalysis! Now tell the man your deepest traumas!  
NooOOo!  
Oh you be quiet, ya dingbat!_

Well, the brain cell specifically from Osaka was new. And, dadgummit, it was right.

"Oh, doc, you don't even know” Akiren sighed, combing his hair back, "In middle school, all of my classmates were falling head over heels with each other and I had no idea what they were on about. As soon as they found that out, they would either avoid me or relentlessly bully me. One of the two".

"Oh, I'm... Sorry you had to go through that, Kurusu", the doctor's smile faded to one of pity, "After all, being a late bloomer is completely f-"

Akiren couldn't help but guffaw, despite himself.

"Ohohoho, doc, no. I'd be the latest of late bloomers, hah", Akiren sighed amusedly, leaning sideways on the chair and holding his head with his hand, "I don't feel attracted. To anyone or anything. I have no idea what 'love', is"

Now, what could he hope for? Let's make a list.

In perhaps a perfect world, Dr. Maruki would tell him that what he felt was perfectly fine and there was actually a word for what he was, as the writer and the reader surely know.

In a hellish world, Maruki would fire a sleeping dart at him and send him for experimenting. Which, a bit of a farfetched theory, sure, but never a 0 percent chance. Like the odds of a gorilla attacking you.

In an also terrible world, it'd be just like in middle school. With that psychologist. Akiren swallowed dryly, as his overwhelming confidence was momentarily dulled by a flash of anxiety.

In a lousy world, Maruki would doubt him, question him, comment how weird that was, and both of them would part without solving anything.

“Oh, I see. Sorry for assuming, Kurusu”, Maruki apologized with a gentle smile, getting up to go fetch more snacks from his bag. Which was being used to store the food left over from all those counselling sessions. With enough luck and enough appetite, the doctor could take it back empty! Nice. “That is also completely fine and natural! Again, sorry, but the ‘late bloomer’ is the more common outcome of stories like that… Ah! At least from most of the counselling sessions I had!”

Akiren was stupefied at his statement.  
_?!  
Eh?!  
What did this guy say?!_

“A-again, Kurusu, I apologize”, Maruki fidgeted nervously, worried he had offended the boy, “It’s just force of h-“  
“ No, no- Dr. Maruki…” Akiren shook his head, eyes wide and mouth open in shock. “What… What did you say?”  
“That it was more comm-“  
“No… About… It being natural-“

  
“Oh!” Maruki raised his eyebrows in realization. His expression softened a bit, with traces of pity around its edges as he realized why the teen had been so shocked at his statement. At least, the probable source of the teen’s disbelief. “Not feeling any sort of attraction is not very common, but it is perfectly natural and fine!”

"Wow, Doc. You're the only adult aside from my parents to actually say that", Akiren said with a soft, short laugh, shaking his head.

It really was nice to hear some support coming from someone else. Not to discredit his parents, but it was in the job description of Parent that they had to support him no matter what. And hell, they adopted him, they have had to read that EULA.

Not to say, as well, that his father's "I know you're not broken because they called me broken too" speech after the Middleschool Psychologist incident wasn't a beautiful way of support that brought a tear to his eye, or several of them. But variety was nice too! Sure, that variety was a "oh yeah I've heard of that" from the temporary school counsellor, but he was starvin' 'ere. 

A BigBangBurger french fry compared to his parent's Authentic French Restaurant baked potato. He'd take it, nonetheless.

Maruki sat back down in his chair, placing the sweets he'd collected on the table in a very specific order.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Kurusu...", Maruki sighed, rotating the boxes of orange juice some few degrees to the left. "Well, truth be told, I only know about it myself because I skimmed an article about it"

"There's articles about it?"

"Certainly! Though I don't recall the name of the one I've read..."

Akiren was, in a rather uncool manner, perplexed and overjoyed. Eyebrows raised, his eyes peeked over the top of his glasses and he fought back a smile. Keep it together. 

"So I'm not alone!"

"You certainly are not, Kurusu!", Dr. Maruki laughed, arms wide, before laying his hands on his knees. "And if you want, I can try and find them again for y-"

The bell rang thrice, making both men look down at their watches.

"Ah! The last bus!"

"Oh Arsène, my homework!" 

Maruki pulled a concerned face, his eyebrows furrowed.

"It seems I can't be of more help, Kurusu, I'm sorry"

"Hey, no worries. It wasn't like we could fix all the trauma up here in thirty minutes, right?"

"Well, it's not really fixing trauma, rather-"

"You get what I mean, doc!"

Akiren sighed, putting his bag around his shoulders. A muffled, sleepy "huh?", came from inside. Morgana had probably been sleeping this whole time, dang cat.

The teen got up from his chair, hands immediately diving for his pockets like he'd been pavlovianly conditioned to do as such whenever he stood up.

"Knowing that I'm not the only one like this is already a big comfort" Akiren lifted his gaze from the floor, only to stare at the corner of the room once more after his eyes awkwardly locked with Maruki's. "So, yeah. Thanks, doc."

Dr. Maruki's face softened into a smile.

"I'm glad I could ease your worries, then. I wish you the best out there, Akiren."

"Likewise, doc. Catch 'ya on the flipside."

...

"Flipside? The heck was that?"

"Now you comment?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a sorta Deep Hatred Of Psychologists/Psychiatrists/School Counsillors/Anything Along Those lines, so this fic had a Verrry different plot at first.
> 
> Then my friend read it, slapped me upside the head and told me Maruki wouldn't be a jerk, and I said every psychologist is a jerk, and he said that my PsychologistPhobia was making Maruki ooc, so I changed it.
> 
> Also no Yu subplot, because that was getting wayy too long and boring for my tastes.


	8. The Hap-Hazard Harlequin; Fool Interlude, Councillor Continued Interlude

He always had troubles with memory. Or processing scenes as they happened, frankly. It was one of his shortcomings that he managed to cover up with his "cool guy", hehe, persona, hehe- Oh, screw it all to the depths of mementos, this was no time to make stupid puns.

Morgana was a helicopter, somehow, and every single member of the phantom thieves PLUS the honorary thieves managed to fit inside.  
Minus him.  
Him, the leader, and key aspect of the team- Alright, something was wrong with that picture.

With but a vague memory of whatever had gone down, he was clutching his hook-rope-thing to one of the legs of the Morgana-copter for dear life, subject to the strong winds like laundry in a hurricane.

There was chattering, above him, his colleagues bickering with eachother over how cramped they were in there. Hmm, maybe that would be the right place to say something. Something witty. Like 'Hahahey, I'll trade places with any of you'.

Yeah, that'd sound good. But he could barely hear his thoughts with the thundering sound of the monacopter's blades and he doubted that any of his friends would hear him. And let's be frank, yelling at the top of his lungs and repeating himself just for a joke was Very Lame. 

Akiren grabbed the hook's rope with his other hand and maneuvered it around so it would go around his arm, giving him a better grip. His stamina wasn't that of a nervous, weird teen hermit anymore, but it was still tiring to hold on so long. The weight was on his elbow, now, and he couldn't exactly say that was a good idea either, but-

The helicopter suddenly jerked and stopped, giving him neck-crack-worthy whiplash. Ow. Yep, elbow anchor was a horrendous idea.  
Hypochondrically wondering if he just dislocated his arm, Akiren looked down as well to see what stopped it.

Good Arsène, Satanael and Raoul above, Maruki was still standing. Still! Standing! The man was fit to be a wrestler by now, because his technique of getting up before the count ended, of standing up on his last legs intent on turning the tides, was that of a freaking pro!

Ladies, gentlemen and honorary members of the phantom thieves, this man!  
Was still!  
Standing!

Akiren was torn between feeling like the raucous crowd at said wrestling match when the fighter landed on his feet after being suplexed off of the top rope, and feeling like he was trying to get rid of an ant infestation but they kept coming back. Summer was a difficult time for all at Leblanc.

Complexity of emotions aside, Akiren couldn't help but feel, in his Gentleman Thief Heart, which is a thing now, that he owed the man a fair fight.  
Wasn't often that his target got back up, what, three times now? The man deserved a tip of the hat, or a just punch to the face to stay down, and Akiren never was one to wear hats.

The drop to the platform wasn't very far, and he reckoned he could style it out. He knew enough thief parkour to pull it off, he thought.  
Oh, thought. The noise had stopped, he could think now!

His teammates kept chattering above about something, all talking over eachother. He wagered the topic was Doc, looking up at them with that determined face and that gnarly looking shiner. Oops, sorry doc.

Akiren looked up at them once more, a small spark of anxiety sparking in his heart. This wasn't the moment, this very clearly wasn't the moment to say anything.

But everyone was in one place, within earshot, he had an easy escape route, and it was dramatic. By Raoul, was it so over the top and theatrical and Akiren was a sucker for the pizzaz, for the flair.

"Everyone, there's something I should tell you"  
That effectively called the attention of everyone cramped inside the tiny vehicle, who were no doubt fearing what their leader had to reveal now. Had he also been a figment of Maruki's reality too?! Were they all?! Was this all fictional?!

"I have never felt attracted. To anyone. Or, er, anything. The thought of feeling like that makes me puke, or makes me so nervous I want to run, rather. No romance here", Akiren looked away from them, breaking out of his façade for the first time in front of everyone. He stumbled on his words, repeated them and stuttered. He fidgeted, even if that made his arms hurt with the weight.

"Yo, chief! Now's not the time, you know!"  
Ah, Futaba, the first one he ever told. Aside from his parents, he supposed. She reacted back then with a "cool" and then a "I get that, also I support ya", and then went back to her rpgs, and Akiren couldn't be more thankful for her. If he was saying anything now, it was partly because of her.

"Yeah. Just gonna go give a piece of my mind to 'Ruki, down there. Figure I should tell you in case it doesn't work in my favour", Akiren replied, chuckling in awkward amusement at the ridiculous situation, "So yeah. No love in here! No ahooogas either, if you get what I mean, tchk tchk".  
Akiren pointed at the group, making a finger-gun with his free hand. He was met with utter confusion, silence, and a... Hopeful? Look? From Violet?

Well, whatever that meant, that had to wait.  
"I know what you're thinking. 'Have ya checked with a therapist?' Don't worry, I'm gonna do just that. Catch ya later!", Akiren said with a smug grin before letting go of the rope, because he obviously couldn't leave without a cool one-liner. Of course.  
With his party's screams dopplering away from him, Akiren fell with twirls and twists until he safely (?) landed on the crumbling platform, cushioning his fall with a perfectly timed roll.

"What's up, doc?"  
"I see you've told your friends. I'm proud of you. Do you think they'll be accepting?"  
"Hmm, sure hope so. Would make things awkward otherwise"

No matter how calm and collectrd their comments sounded, the two men's anxiety was gnawing at them from the inside like a beaver to a rotting dead tree.  
Maruki, facing the destruction of the salvation of humanity he had invisioned and worked for for so long.  
Akiren, who haphazardly climbed over his past traumas to come out in a very erratic way to his friends before skydiving the heck outta there, and dreaded the talk they would Most Certainly have after he decked the good doctor in the snout once more.

"Why weren't you satisfied with the reality I chose, Kurusu?", Maruki asked for the third time that afternoon, voice cracking in desperation, "Everyone accepted you as you were, no one judged you. Society understood you and didn't force you into something you despised... Akechi was there... What did you see wrong with it."

Ah, yes. To wake up on a lovely winter morning, to everyone he knew brainwashed... Ah, to hear Ryuji fantasize with his track team friends about going out with some girls, and then apologizing to an orbiting Akiren, because he knew that sorta thing made him uncomfortable.  
The profound shock he felt made him leave without any further response and go down three smoothies at the subway smoothie shop.

"Well, it blindsided me, first of all. I think I went into shock for a couple of days, you're gonna have to ask Sojiro. And then...", Akiren crossed his arms and leaned his weight on one foot, looking up in thought.  
"I think this sort of power is in itself corrupt. I just so happened to be lucky that you skimmed an article about my situation... And that you're an open minded person, perhaps", Akiren explained, closing his eyes and shaking his head before continuing. "What if it was my middleschool counsellor instead? I thought, when I was drowning my confusion with vegetable smoothies. Man, I'm too scared to even think of what he would've done to anyone like me"

Maruki's eyebrows shot up for a moment in realization, then he looked at the ground too in thought.  
"He would've changed me, I guess. I never told you, but back then it was a disaster, dude. He called my parents, saying it was my fault I was bullied because I 'insisted' on being different, then he tried to talk about sending me to this and this therapy to 'correct my libido', urgh... What a creep, right?"  
Akiren never talked this much. It was all part of a mysterious façade, after all. You ever hear about a lone wolf running his mouth?  
This was... Different, thought. There was something about this place that made him want to speak his mind without reservations, though he kept it to himself anyways.  
This was what all those visits before should've been like! Thought a responsible part of Akiren's brain, occupied with organizing his unconscious mind in alphabetical order. Those two other parts who were always bickering lowered their heads, nodding in embarrassement.

"I think if it happened to me now, I would've laughed and flipped him off. Back then I had a panic attack, it was a whole thing. My mom threatened under her breath to strangle the counsellor for a whole week!", Akiren laughed, putting his hands on his hips and shaking his head.

"I... Understand your point, Kurusu. But- This was me. This was me! I would've never done anything like that..."  
Maruki struggled to stand up, his legs bent at odd angles and trembling, fighting to support his weight. He had his hands in his head, gripping his hair in despair.  
Well, no getting through to this guy, Akiren thought. He's too far gone off the deep end... No, wait, that was one saying too many- Ahh, doesn't matter.

"C'mon, doc. I came down for a fistfight, a fistfight is what we're gonna have", Akiren sighed, throwing his knife aside and rolling his neck, "Reasoning with people is your job, not mine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's still one more chapter after this one! Just gotta finish it somehow.


	9. Faith; Sumire

Sumire wanted to talk to him.

A bad omen. A bad idea. Dread.

He'd just gotten out of jail... Err, Juvie. He had a track record already, although erased. He had to stop making it sound worse for himself!

He'd just gotten out of Teen Jail, tm. The past few days had been a blur of people wanting to talk to him and wanting to check up on him before he left for Sumaru. So why was this any different? Sumire was his friend, his teammate. The one honorary phantom thief who didn't have a degree in Scoffing.

...The guy was dead, maybe he shouldn't speak ill of Akechi.

...Nhaaaaah. What were rivals for!

And what was this, for, Sumire? 

He thought he was home-free. No one brought up his Deep Dark Revelation during any of the welcome back parties, so Akiren thought they'd either forgotten about it or collectively decided it wasn't a big deal. 

Either way, Akiren thought to himself, nervously side-eyeing the date showing up on the television, he certainly believed he wouldn't have to face more of these mishaps.

Sumire wanted to talk to him, and it was February the Fourteenth.

Eye-Roll and Fake Retching day.

Shut yourself in your room and avoid everything going on outside day.

Munch on the chocolates you bought on sale after having to endure the saleslady's speech about how brave and strong and King you were for buying chocolates for yourself Day.

It was Valentine's day.

Hence the intoxicating dread that plagued the air, much like the irritating lovey-dovey jingles from the slew of commercials airing on tv.

It was deliberate. Right? Right? Oh, Arsène, this was shaping up to be a confession. Ohhhhh no. Oh no.

Sumire mulled over her life, circumstances and pretending-to-be-her-dead-sister-dealio (should he phone in Uncle Naoya?), rotating the coffee in her cup around and staring out the window like an autonarrating noir detective.

Akiren clutched the jug of coffee between his hands, sweating like a pig on the highway to the slaughterhouse and micro-calculating the tone of each word with the stress of an air traffic controller.

No hint, at all, of all that building up to a confession. None! It wouldn't tonally make sense, concluded Akiren, and taking nothing from that same conclusion.

Yeah, as if any of the other ones worked by sense! Sense has no home here. This is not a place of reason. There is no sense to be found here.

Whatever associations these folks operated by, Akiren could only ever dream of understanding them.

Hm, perhaps that was unfair to say. Sumire may be a talented gymnast -inviting him to watch her next performance for her instructor, by the way- but his brain was even more, sommersaulting and piroutting its way to not-very-well-thought-out replies.

"I would love to go watch, Sumire. I'll be there to support you", Akiren replied, soft smile and voice as smooth as honey.

Sumire nodded, putting her cup down onto the counter. She looked off to the side and gave a slight nod, the beginnings of a blush forming on her cheeks.

_oh NO_

"T-Thank you, senpai. You've been a great help for me -for all of us- this past year...", Sumire commented, fingers tapping nervously on the edge of the counter.

"You give me too much credit. I just listened to your problems, not much", Akiren chuckled, nervously looking under the counter for another glass to clean so he could keep fidgeting with his hands unnoticed.

"Maybe, but still... I feel like we haven't thanked you enough for it!", Sumire looked away, gazing soulfully towards the floorboards , "And I feel like no one... Has listened to you"

_Huh?_

_...Where is she going with this?_

"S-So-So! Senp-pai! If you, uh, If you need anyone to talk to, I'm always here to listen, a-and, because- I mean-"

It was somewhat refreshing to see someone else so anxious and bumbling. Akiren's own panic vanished like water through the drain. He put down the expertly polished glass he had been turning over in his hands for the past five minutes, and leaned over the counter.

"Sumire, what are you trying to say?"

Ohp, bad idea. The girl was as red as her coat, now. 

"Uh- I mean..."

She took a very long deep breath.

"The other girls were talking... After the reality reset and you were sent to jail. About how they sort of had crushes on you, but then you said something weird and they realized you weren't interested in them like that..."

Alarms started ringing again, but now in a confused way. Imagine a distorted siren. Like that, exactly.

_WHERE is she going with this?! Is she trying to give us a heart attack?_

"...Yeah?"

"Well, the same thing always happens to me!", Sumire nervously chuckled, looking back up.

"Guys always fell for Kasumi... So some of them ended up falling for me too, and they would never understand what I told them. They always replied with something along the lines of 'Hey, I can cure that, wink'" Sumire made a disgusted face. "There were even those guys who I thought wanted to be friends with me, but in the end were just playing the long con..." Sumire sighed, shaking her head slightly.

Akiren's brain was entirely silent, just on the verge on shutting down, trying to figure out if Yoshizawa was trying to sell him a cure-all or relating to him. The teen always defaulted to the worst intentions for people when it came to this topic and he could feel himself giving Sumire the stink-eye.

"Even girls confessed to me at times! What do you even do then, right? How can you be supportive and reject someone?"

...Okay, he could relate to that.

"So, after what you said in Maruki's palace... And then after I heard Ann, Makoto and Haru talking... And after I asked Futaba about, I-", Sumire sighed, linking her fingers together and staring down at them. "I realized you're aro-ace, too!"

Okay, now his brain shut down. Like a non-primate animal looking at themselves in the mirror. Me? Like me? Is me? Me am thou? Thou art me? 

"I know that it probably didn't need that much sleuthing from me, but I never expected to find another aroace outside of the internet!", the girl laughed, looking back up at Akiren's very confused face.

"Wait... Aro-ace?"

"Oh, sorry! Yeah, I figured you probably wouldn't know the term. Stands for aromantic asexual! No romantic attraction, aromantic, and no... Uh, physical attraction! Asexual!", Sumire, flustered, looked to the side, "I mean, it's a whole umbrella with a lot of other terms, but that's the one that better applies to me, so-"

Sumire continued trying to explain the intricacies of an umbrella of identities, but all Akiren could feel was the myriad walls he had put around him slowly dissolving... Or, at least, receding. 

Aroace...

It flew around his head, over the walls, like a hummingbird, investigating the deep corners of his brain like they were flowers. He muttered the word to himself, as if testing it.

Aroace...!

It felt right! Correct. Like for the last 16 years there had been a piece missing from him, like a rib that had been stolen at birth. Or in a less morbid example, like a puzzle piece that fell between the floorboards when he opened the box. He didn't need it for a while, but when he did, he couldn't find it at all...

Until Sumire found it for him!

Aroace!

The word, continuing with the hummingbird analogy, settled down on one of the branches of his self, and he found out it fit perfectly, and built a nest. Which was where the analogy lost weight, because Akiren was fairly certain that hummingbirds didn't rest in nests, but he would have to Gugle that later. No, wait. He had to use QuackQuackStop, he had government agents on his tail.

Aroace!

Like Raoul had learned a new ability, it was a part of himself unveiled after so long.

"I like it"

"Huh?"

Oh, Sumire was still explaining stuff.

"I think it fits me rather well. Aroace. Yeah"

"I'm glad to hear that, senpai! If you want, I could show you some forums online w- Wait, are you crying?"

Akiren brought his hand towards his eyes, gently touching below them. Oh. So he was.

"Hah. Guess so! Sorry, it's just been...", Akiren explained, trying to dry the tears with his handkerchief. The teen tried to keep talking, to explain how much that felt like the sunset at the end of a storm, but he couldn't stop crying. No matter how fast he rubbed at his eyes with the piece of cloth, they would only grow wetter and wetter, until the tears were leaving tracks down his cheeks. 

Akiren placed a hand on his forehead in surprise and could only laugh. At all this. At how happy he was, because of one word. Two? It didn't matter- not now. 

Giving up on stopping the tears, he decided to at least take a paper tissue and blow his nose, because as emotionally significant tears may be, snot would no doubt ruin this scene. He gestured as if talking, but all that came out were weird half-sobs-half-chuckles in varying tones. Guess any exposure on his past to Sumire would have to wait.

Sumire smiled softly, offering him her hand to hold in support.

"It's alright, senpai"

Akiren nodded vigorously, laughing and sobbing at the same time. The tears still didn't feel like stopping, so he took Sumire's hand and let the floodgates as they were.

He would have to apologize to his parents, because this scene: Him leaned over the counter, holding Sumire's hands, crying like an open faucet and choking on laughter and sobs, had just taken first place in his favourite memories.

Aroace. Yeah. 

That was him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C'est fini! Thanks for reading, everybody!  
> Yeah, I know this last scene was overwhelmingly cheesy... I needed the emotional payoff, dangit!
> 
> EDIT: since i reposted this on Tumblr bc of aro week, I should add that the "sunset at the end of a storm" is a reference to the aroace sunset flag! Because I love it and it fits my identity so well


End file.
